Salon Variant: the literary reading

Earlier, I discussed adding a Salon to your IPC as a type of social event. The type of Salon I described has a topic to focus the conversation for the social. As I was poking around the internet, I happened on an article in Flavorwire about Salons entitled "Visit Some of History’s Most Famous Literary Salons." A couple of the featured salons were literary readings. This would still work in a modern sense. The topic would be replaced by the reading for the event. I imagine poems would be well suited to this, as well as short stories. The sky is the limit, and something unique worth trying.

I'm putting this on my to-dos list for my club in 2018.

More resources for literary salons:
The Guardian, "Louis de Bernières and other British writers revive the literary salon"
Bust Magazine, "Host A Modern-Day Literary Salon"
The New York Times, "An Attempted Comeback for the Literary Salon"

Effective introductions

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A good introduction is one of the most powerful tools in a conversation. It conveys a wealth of information about someone in a short span. It gives a sort of permission that is sometimes needed to approach someone. It dispels awkwardness, and ultimately, can be the difference between a steadfast member of your IPC, and someone you never see again. Above all, it's the polite thing to do.

Introductions make everyone accessible, especially if there is a preponderance of club regulars in your event or social meeting. Without introductions, new people are left to either sink or swim amid unfamiliar personalities. This is never a good feeling. Extroverted folks can usually make their own introductions and inject themselves into conversations, but even this tends to be awkward and time consuming at first. A well delivered introduction quickly breaks the ice for new people, gives everybody perspective about each other and allows everyone hooks for conversation.

A well delivered introduction

A good introduction should contain these elements:

• Some knowledge of everyone involved. Talk to your club leadership to find out some information about everyone. If you’re a club leader, you should have some working knowledge of folks in your IPC.
• Eye contact, and open and relaxed body language. Eye contact is essential to communication, and welcoming body language puts everyone at ease.
• Names of all involved. Use names that preferred over proper names. For example, if Thomas prefers 'Tom,' then use Tom.  Also, know everyone’s preferred pronouns, if there are non-binary gender folks in the social. I’ll talk more about this later.
• Personal conversation hooks that everyone can relate to. If you cannot find relatable hooks, then throw out some interesting tidbits about the people you’re introducing, but never get too personal. Some good hooks might involve professional or hobby interests, or home state, region or country. Actively avoid using politics, religion, age and health as hooks.

If you’re introducing new folks, be sure to also make a good impression as a host. Lapses in manners on your part can unintentionally stick to the people whom you’re introducing. Be polite, and if you’re introducing new people to regulars having a conversation, make sure to time your entrance at an unobtrusive moment. If the occasion warrants, introduce by professional rank. For example, if someone in the conversation circle is a company president, or firm principal, then they should be introduced first, and then in order if possible.

If you have  members that identify as gender neutral or non-binary, then ask for their preferred pronoun and use it in your introduction as a way of communicating this preference to other club members. For example, John Doe is non-binary and prefers that folks use them, they, their as pronouns. As a host, you can introduce John in this way, “I would like to introduce John. They're very excited to meet you…” If John is with someone who identifies as a binary gender, then you can say “I would like to introduce John and their partner, Jane.”

A well delivered introduction should result in allowing unfamiliar people to be more approachable and ready to converse at your social event. After the introduction is made, it’s up to the new folks to stand on their own feet, conversationally.

Resources for making introductions

Personality Tutor.com, “How To Introduce People”  

Verywell, “How to Introduce People”  

CIO, “Social Networking Etiquette: How to Introduce Yourselfand Others Politely” 

Storyline, “A Better Way to Introduce Your Friends at Parties” 

Basic ideas for recruiting members to your IPC

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People are the most important component of any group, but being able to choose the people who are the right fit for your IPC is paramount to its health and vitality. People who are interested in your club, who are interesting, and who are willing to regularly attend functions are the ones you should search for. Be careful, though. There is another part to consider, and that is chemistry.  Chemistry is hard to define, and it comes from the gut.

The next logical question is, ‘how do I find these people?’ Chances are that you have friends you want to include. This can either be a great start to your IPC, or an unforeseen trap. Even friends need to be subject to the search conditions listed above. You need to be very honest with yourself and ask if the friend is going to be compatible with other folks you’d like to attract. Some people make great friends, but do not have the social graces to play well with others. Or they may have beliefs that they enjoy discussing regardless of the prevailing topic, but those beliefs are incompatible with what you’re trying to achieve in the club. Better to keep them friends on an individual level, rather than later forcing yourself to sacrifice the friends you made in the club for the old friend who has become problematic.

I would avoid creating public access groups in social media to use as recruiting tools for your IPC, but rather, join a few as a regular member.  You’ll find people by being active in the communities that you want to draw from. If you’re someone who wants to attract geeks and nerds, then become active in some local public groups that are targeted at geeks and nerds, and strike up friendships. You’ll be doing the footwork that needs to happen before actual recruiting.

Once you attract some friends, invite them to a coffee or to lunch. In doing this, you want to see how they act on an individual basis, and to see how engaging they can be face-to-face. This may sound manipulative, but you’re expanding your friend circle. If you make friends, be a good friend, and don’t drop the friendship because they don’t suit your IPC. Making and maintaining friends is good trait to develop for someone that wants to manage an IPC. After you meet a few times, start asking them questions that relate to your IPC. In an off-hand fashion, you’re interviewing them for possible membership. With any luck, you’ll hook a member or two.

Once some membership has been established in your IPC, see if they’d be willing to sponsor friends for the IPC. Make sure any potential sponsorships fall along the lines of ‘interest, interesting and regular.’ I’ll talk more about membership intake and maintenance in a future post.

All this recruiting will take time and patience. An IPC is a long-term investment, not a race to collect as many people as possible. You’re looking for a slow build-up that enriches the club, and there will be a limit to membership. Be exclusive will allow you to raise the standards for your IPC.

Adding a Salon to your IPC

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A salon? Well, maybe not a hair salon, but something immensely more interesting. The salon we’re talking about is defined in Wikipedia as “a gathering of people under the roof of an inspiring host, held partly to amuse one another and partly to refine the taste and increase the knowledge of the participants through conversation.”. (refer to Wikipedia for Salon (gathering)).  This type of event is well suited to an IPC, and requires some set up to carry off successfully. 

In IPC parlance, a salon can be a cocktail party with focused conversation, or just a focused conversation.  Salons are best suited to the social, professional and field -type IPCs (Refer to blog entry here), but not so much to a hobby type IPC. You can also choose to host a salon that is closer to the historical salon, but be warned that will take more time and diligence on your part to set-up and execute.

If you choose to host a salon, it should have a topic for the evening. You should have a main space for the topic conversation, and a host who can talk in depth about the topic. In my experience, it’s best to allow conversation to flow from there to other subjects, if appropriate to the evening’s overall topic. If conversation lags or wanders off course, then the host can interject with the evening’s topic and restart the conversation. The aim of the salon is to educate and refine the participant’s knowledge of the featured topic.

Add a little pizazz to your IPC with a salon!

Articles about Salons:

Edge, "Salon Culture: Network of Ideas" 

Benet Davetian, "The History and Meaning of Salons" 

Four Seasons Magazine, "Trending Now: Modern Salons from London to Dubai"  

Elephant Journal, "How to Host a 21st Century Salon" 

7X7, "Salon Gatherings Make a Comeback"

GOOD, "Talk of the Town: How to Host a Successful Salon"

What should be the focus of my informal private club (or IPC)?

© Can Stock Photo / pressmaster

Before you begin recruiting for your IPC, you need to have some idea of what you want the club to be about. It doesn’t have to be a narrow focus, but you need to be able to state the purpose, no matter how broad. If you’re looking at doing cocktail parties, dinners, dances and similar gatherings, then you’re looking at a social club. If you’re wanting to rub elbows with fellow engineers, programmers, lawyers, and the such, then consider a professional club. I don’t recommend going too much into detail as far as the focus; you want to leave as much room for growth and discussion as possible. A diversity of personalities and experiences is what you’re looking for, and becoming too specific may result in the club lacking any sense of dynamic.

Here’s a list of areas you can form an IPC around:

• Social: Mentioned this above, but I consider this the easiest IPC to create and manage. You can run a purely social IPC, or you can incorporate social aspects into IPCs with another focus.
• Professional: While we’re talking about things already mentioned above, a professional club is another possibility, and one that can have a profound impact in your career field.
• Field: This speaks more to academic fields and pursuits like literature, history, psychology and the like. This focus would be aimed more at amateur interests, rather than professional.
• Hobby: Much like IPCs for fields, hobby IPCs would speak to the hobby in a broad sense, rather than getting down into the pieces and parts. This kind of detail would be reserved for event topics.

I’ll write more on specific IPCs and what you should consider when creating them, as well as adding to the list above as we develop the IPC concept.

Adding a Supper Club to your IPC

© Can Stock Photo / DGLimages

If you want to add a foodie component to your informal private club (we'll call it IPC for now), a ‘supper club’ is a wonderful idea. Your club members who regard cooking as a hobby are well-suited to run foodie events for your IPC. As with stand-alone supper clubs, you'll probably want to develop a menu, ask members about any allergies and preferences, and collect donations to defray costs. You'll also want to keep the size of the event intimate, so you can be sure to fit everyone comfortably and ensure a great experience. Quality over quantity should be the over-riding rule here, not only in the number of diners, but also with the quality of ingredients.

Below are interesting articles I found on the Supper Club/Underground Restaurant phenomenon. As ideas, they can be easily incorporated into your IPC as a regular event. Bear in mind though, these articles showcase stand-alone establishments or clubs that operate almost like restaurants, and often on fringes of local laws and regulations.

Wikipedia Articles

Supper Clubs 

Underground Restaurants 

Articles on Supper Clubs:

The Guardian, "The Secret Feast" 

HipLatina, "Hosting a Pop-Up Dinner AKA Supper Club in Your City"

Flavorwire, "The Rise of the Pop-Up Restaurant and Supper Club" 

Delish, "Secret Dining Societies: Where to Find Underground Restaurants" 

St. Louis Magazine, "Ask George: How Do I Find Out About Underground Restaurants in St. Louis?" 

Articles for inspiration:

Supper Clubs in Washington DC

dcist, "A Guide to Supper Clubs, Pop-Ups And Private Dining in D.C" 

Supper Clubs in NYC

Thrillist, "The 6 NYC Supper Clubs You Need Join (And How To Do It)"

Supper Clubs in Chicago

Thrillist, "The 6 Secretest Supper Clubs In Chicago"

Supper clubs in London

TimeOut London, "London's 'underground' restaurants" 

Why create an informal private club?

‘Why create an informal private club?’

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This is a potential question that I’ll be addressing throughout the course of this blog. It’s a simple and reasonable question.  The quick answer could be ‘to meet and socialize with friends and acquaintances’, but I think the real question is a bit deeper, so the real answer should be as deep.

I suggest going to the roots of British and American men’s clubs, putting aside the misogyny and racism.  At the core of these organizations was the desire to collect people with similar interests, casual or professional. Clubs helped their members have an excuse to meet like-minded people, become acquainted, and develop personal networks that would last years, or a lifetime.

A natural byproduct of friendships through the club is support for members. If someone is having tough time in life, it’s nice to know that folks from the club will help support when it’s needed. Also, clubs tend gather people with similar interests have similar, or even familiar, tastes. This is great if folks want to be exposed to new things, but do not have someone to guide them through the experience A club can do this on a larger scale, allowing a wider literacy on subjects within the broad interest of the club.

Clubs of the past also strove to educate their members by hosting seminars and lectures, as well as celebrate their accomplishments.  Doing this created deep bonds within the club membership. There is no reason that the same cannot be done on a smaller scale. Clubs give people a reason to spread a wealth of knowledge among people who had an intense interest in the subject matter.

A function of some established private clubs is public service.  Some clubs encourage members to give time and resources to favorite charities. Informal private clubs can choose to do this, too. From what I’ve heard from people I know in organizations like the Jaycees, the public service activity is almost addicting. Much like the reason with common interests, it’s nice to do something as a group effort among friends.

A smaller benefit of private informal clubs is the chance to practice finer social skills, including an excuse to dress well. This comes in handy in many areas of life, namely with family, love and career. The more practice one has at social skills, the easier they’re applied to other areas of life.

I’m sure I hit some of the more obvious reasons to consider creating an informal private club, but as we go along, I’ll think of and write about others.

Defining the 'informal private club' for the Informal Private Club Journal

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A social club can have a definition as wide as all the oceans; stretching from any organized gathering of people to something specific, like the British Gentleman's clubs or college sororities and fraternities. This blog will be more specific, introducing (more likely re-introducing) the concept of an 'informal private club' to the social club vernacular. We'll gather inspiration from the old British private clubs, and their newer reincarnation in the United States, and make it accessible to everyone interested.

What is an informal private club?

An informal private club is a loosely organized group of people with similar interests, or can fit under a broad social or professional umbrella. The membership is curated, much like an established private club, and can include sponsorship and applications, if the club's leadership deems it necessary.

Also, the informal private club is just that, informal. There isn't a club residence or anything permanent. Instead, members take turns at hosting and planning events. The usual place where members meet would be at would in private residences. In essence, members' dining and living rooms become club spaces.

Events should fall within the club member's interests and tastes, but also maintain a minimum level of decorum, much like a formal private club. For example, if the club opts for a cocktail party, then proper attire should be requested. A club shouldn't only be about people gathering, it should also give folks an opportunity to practice finer social skills.

At the same time, an informal private club should be creative, and take advantage of its mobility. Events can take place there is an establishment willing to take a number of people. Events should be culturally uplifting, with plenty of opportunity for the club's members to interact with each other. Where's the fun if the club doesn't have a chance to be social?

The idea of the informal private club will be continually developed in this blog, with all hits and misses discussed.

The Beginning

Purpose of this blog

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The Informal Private Club Journal has a three-fold purpose; 1) develop the concept of information private clubs, 2) to document my experiences in organizing and hosting social events for informal private clubs, and  3) to offer lessons learned and alternative approaches to those socials. Once I'm covering those topics to my satisfaction, I plan to go into detail regarding planning, appropriate fashion, and tools of the trade, so to speak. To be sure, I'm not being prescriptive, only laying out my experience and research for folks to use. I want to encourage people to get out, connect, and have a lot of fun doing it.

Eventually, the subject matter may change organically depending on my experiences and level of enjoyment, or if I develop a readership,  and where they want me to take the blog. Regardless, I want to remain focused on informal private clubs.

My experience
I've always wanted to organize people in some form or fashion, whether it be a gaming group, historical reenacting, or some other event. I helped organize gaming groups, reenacting group and reenactments, the occasional wedding and bachelor party.

My first resounding success came when my wife and I organized a local gaming group though Meetup.com. I'm an avid tabletop roleplay gamer, and we recognized a need to get folks from different or even disparate groups to meet each other and play the games we all loved. This group grew and evolved, but it kept its core the purpose of helping gamers connect with each other. As we grew and expanded, we discovered that our gaming group was doing more than just getting gamers to meet. It was allowing folks an excuse to get out, and facilitating lasting friendships. It even took on the role of a career network and dating service! I think the friendship building is the part we're most proud of, and what gives us the most satisfaction.

We took our organizing experience in a different direction, and began to organize small social club-like gatherings. These were and still are smashing successes. We plan to expand these gatherings to include more folks. This is also when I took the notion to start writing about my experiences, after some urging from a good friend in our gaming group. He wanted to know our 'secret' about organizing folks. This started some retrospective thinking on my part about how to improve gatherings, and to see what the different rules were for corresponding gatherings.

Your part
Please help me improve this blog, if you're getting something out of it. In the comments, suggest topics we can cover, or tell us about your experiences organizing folks for your informal private club, and how you handled the challenges that arose. All I ask is that you keep comments topical. Thanks for reading, and let's start a fun adventure!